So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
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that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
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Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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