It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
