She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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