I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
