I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
