And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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