i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
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Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
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He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
my penis made a compromise with my morals
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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