I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
