he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
