Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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