i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
she looked like the before picture.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
