i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
