I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
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spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
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There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
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