I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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