NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
