Your face is a jimmy john
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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