Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
