you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
