Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
