i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Just puked most of my soul out..
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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