Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
