my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
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