You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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