not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Still dying that you shit outside
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
