Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize