i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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