Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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