We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
