People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
