no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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