I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
do nipples grow back?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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