Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
