Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
did i just pee glitter
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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