Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
