I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
