There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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