He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
