This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
