oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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