I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
