I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
