you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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