hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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