she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
