I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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