There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
