so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
