The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i came on her dog
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
