You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
If I die, sorry about rent.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
