You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
