Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
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did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
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Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.