So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Don't say a word.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.