Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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