I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
