Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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