i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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