I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
