I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
