Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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