So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
