hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
