She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Damn victory sex feels great
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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