I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize