There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
