Christians are straight up FREAKS
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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