worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
There's always time for handjobs
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
