fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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