Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
