So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
this is an emotional support booty call
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
