i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
