ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize